John 20:19-31                                                                        “Is There a Doubt in the House?

April 15, 2007                                                                         By Rev. Kathy McDowell

 

Poor Thomas.   He’s got such a bad reputation among the 12 apostles.  Of course, Judas does too.  

But Thomas even has an adjective permanently attached to his name.  After that scene behind the locked doors of the house, it was never again Thomas the apostle.  It was always “Doubting Thomas.”   He’s even listed in the dictionary. Go ahead - try looking up doubting Thomas.  

 

There was definitely a doubt in this house.  Even Jesus says to Thomas, “Do not doubt but believe.” But we need to step into that house, take a closer look, to see that something else was going on too.  There was more than just doubt in that house.  There was fear.  The opposite of faith is not doubt - it’s fear.  There’s a lot about Thomas I can relate to.

 

Listen to the beginning of the first verse we heard today.  “When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them . . .”

 

Can you feel the fear?  Can you imagine this scene inside that room in the house where they’re staying? 

It’s getting late.  Shadows are falling.  Someone lights a lamp. But it doesn’t lift the darkness from their hearts. 

There’s 10 of them gathered inside, behind locked doors.   Judas, well, he’s gone. Gone for good.  But he had never really been with them. Of all the apostles, he had the hardest time understanding just what kind of power Jesus had come to bring.  And Thomas, where was he?   He was always searching.  Never at peace.    What was he looking for? What were his questions really about?  Was it just a way to keep his distance?   And where was he now, now that all their hopes and dreams had died with Jesus?

 

The 10 of them had everything to be afraid of.  Everyone in town knew that they had been followers of Jesus. 

And he had been crucified, put to death as an insurrectionist. A blasphemer.  A troublemaker.   And then there was the personal matter of their betrayal of Jesus.  Great waves of shame must have washed over them in that house

behind those locked doors as they remembered the scenes where they had been with Jesus, and then ran away in fear and confusion.  And then Jesus comes. He is suddenly in their midst, bringing them peace.    And this peace is no small gift, for he has come back to the very friends who betrayed him, offering his reassuring peace.

If we consider that this group of 10 quaking, quivering disciples locked behind closed doors was the foundation for Christianity today it’s a wonder any church ever came to be. Today, the church is 2 billion strong.

And it all started with these apostles.  Ordinary, nothing special, weak and fearful even.   In the simplest terms, Jesus changed their lives.  And Jesus has been changing lives ever since.  Giving us new beginnings. 

That’s going to be the focus of our scriptures and sermons for the next 6 weeks.  

 

There are clues here, clues that also give us a glimpse of  how it happened.  There was something going on in this house besides doubt and fear. Listen. Even as they fight their fears, he stands among them with the gift of peace. 

“Peace be with you” he says - 3 times he says it in this passage.   And then he breathes upon them another gift - the power of the Holy Spirit. 

 

Karl Barth, a 20th century theologian, once said, it is not as important to begin, as to learn how to begin again. 

With the gift of Jesus’ peace and power, it was time for these disciples to leave the doubt & fear behind and begin again.  With that peace and power, this tiny little group of people who had followed Jesus were given the ability to go out to all the ends of the earth, making disciples.   

 

Several weeks ago, Pam Callon and I attended a workshop here in town about making disciples --  you know, evangelism.  Except the author who led the workshop doesn’t call it that.  She calls it the E-word.  Because evangelism has gotten such a bad name.  

 

What do you think of when someone says the word evangelism?  People knocking on your door with tracts to hand out?  Someone grabbing you by the collar and asking you if you’ve been saved?   A TV evangelist shouting through the screen at you in your living room?

 

Well, this author, whose name is Martha Grace Reese, says that the E-word is simply telling others what difference being a Christian has made in your life.  She goes on to say that the purpose of evangelism is not

to bring more members into our churches or to get more young people.  

The purpose of evangelism is to help people begin a lifetime relationship with God.  The church is here to help us grow that relationship with God.  Unbinding the Gospel: Real Life Evangelism, By Martha Grace Reese, (St. Louis, MO: Chalice Press), p. 14. 

When we are willing to tell people how Jesus has changed our lives, it can change theirs too.  As Jesus stood among his disciples, he said “peace be with you.” He breathed God’s power on them.  And then he said, “Blessed are those who have not seen, but have come to believe.    We often hear this as a condemnation of poor doubting Thomas.   

 

This week I have heard this differently.  I have heard this as an affirmation of the power of testimony.  

 

That’s what we live on – the testimony of others that “we have seen the Lord.” The truth is that none of us have seen the Lord the way these apostles did.  But we still have encountered Christ.  Our lives have been changed by Jesus.  Others of us want that too.  We’re longing for that change to happen. We want the peace and the power that are gifts of this relationship with Jesus.   

 

This testimony, these stories, are compelling.  The reason they are compelling is because we live in a world

where people are hungry for something real, deep, and important.  Something besides shallow places and hollow concerns.   For the next several weeks we’re going to be hearing from some of the people in this congregation who have encountered Christ in some way.  And how that has created a new beginning in their lives.  Who knows – one of them might even be you.  If you have a story to share about what difference being a Christian has made in your life, come and tell me about it.

 

But today I’m going to tell you where I’ve encountered Christ. What difference it’s made in my life to be a Christian.  

 

I have been a Christian all my life.  But my conversion has been happening over many, many years.  I was raised Catholic, grew up in the church, even took turns playing the organ for daily mass in my Catholic grade school. 

 

By the time I was 16, I knew deep down I wasn’t really a Catholic.  I started searching and during college I attended dozens of different churches – everything from Methodist to Quaker to Lutheran and more.   It wasn’t until I was about to get married that I was introduced to the Disciples.  Dave had been raised in a Disciple church,

and when we talked to the minister who eventually did our wedding, I finally felt like I had found my home.   

 

Right away, I was one of those people in church who are the doers.  Dave and I were sponsors for the middle school group at the Disciple church in Illinois where we first lived.  Then when we moved to Atlanta, we started attending Disciple churches and eventually settled in at Peachtree Christian, and then later at Atlanta First, where we actively served in both churches. But even though I was active in church, there seemed to be something missing.  

I remember one of my neighbors, Julene, who had such a strong faith.  She talked about her relationship with God.

I remember thinking at the time “I want that.” All this time, I kept looking for something.  I attended Sunday School, took Bible studies.   It was never enough. Every time I took a Bible study or class, no matter if it was four weeks or 34 weeks, I remember being hungry for more. There was one study in particular during 1996/97–

a year-long study called Disciple Bible study.  By the time I finished that, I understood something that I had never understood before. I realized that God not only was good and gracious and relentlessly faithful,

but that God’s grace was for ME!  You’ve heard about the book and the DVD called The Secret? 

It’s been on the talk shows and it’s all about  your controlling your life’s outcomes.  That’s not the secret.  The real secret is God’s grace.  I wanted to share God’s grace with other people.  I got very involved with Christian education and teaching Bible study.

 

In 1999, I remember praying for God to guide me into what I was to do next.   In my journal, I wrote “God, show me where you want me to serve.”  At first, I thought it was a big Christian education project that I was leading at Atlanta First – a complete renovation of their Sunday School for children.  I can only describe it as a “with God all things are possible” project.

 

But in the spring of 2000, something happened that is still hard to put into words.    I knew that my relationship with God was the most empowering, life-giving relationship I had known.  And I had done many jobs in the church

to try to share God with other people.  I started to wonder how I might  have even more impact.  

And then this huge thought hit me.  Seminary! I could go to seminary and become a minister!

You may not realize just how big of a thought that was for me – a woman, who grew up Catholic.  As I look back, it felt in some ways that God had probably been shouting this call to me for years, but I just had not heard it. 

Maybe all the other voices - the Catholic voices, male and female voices, family voices - just kind of drowned out God’s call. But that spring, I knew without a doubt that this was God’s call.     I couldn’t not do it.  There was nothing that could stop me.  

 

Well, seminary is hard.  It had been some time since I’d been in school and I felt like there wasn’t a single strand of brain matter that was still connected in my head.  Dave, my husband, the college professor, encouraged me. 

Give it a couple of months.  Your brain will get in shape.  Kind of like exercise.  

 

Now, understand that none of this came naturally to me.   My first career was as a writer, a journalist, in non-profit public relations.  My second career was as a mother.  A Betty Crocker mother.  I wasn’t a public speaker – had in fact avoided jobs that required public speaking. 

 

The first time I was told that I had to preach a sermon to the residents at Campbell Stone Apartments as part of the class requirements, I argued with the instructor.   No, I’m not going to need that.  I’m not going to preach.   But God had something else in mind.  God’s ways are not our ways. God sees things we don’t. 

 

I started at Candler School of Theology in 2000, managed to graduate on time in 2003, while working part time at church, and being a wife and mother. As I began ministry full time, it felt like I had finally found my purpose.

I had been doing good and meaningful things for years. But answering this call felt like a new beginning,

one that I had been preparing for my whole life.    

 

Last year, 2006, was a tough year at my former church.  They lost a minister under difficult circumstances.  

They asked me to step in for a while as the pastor, which I did.   The first sermon I preached as their acting senior minister was based on a scripture that had been picked out weeks before:   “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances.”   I learned to do that in 2006.  I have also learned during the last 7 years

that God’s spirit gives us power to do things we never thought we could.   That when we’re willing to walk straight into fear, God could turn it into faith.  And there is a great deal of peace that results from that. 

Maybe that’s why I can relate to Thomas and those other disciples hiding in that locked house.   In order to begin again, they had to face their fears.     

 

So what difference has it made in my life to be a Christian?  All the difference, because that’s the only place where I have found power and peace.   I can put into one word what this power and peace looks like in my life -

it’s the word accompanied.  Now I always sense that I am accompanied.  God is always with me.  Sure, I forget that sometimes.  But is the foundation of my life.

 

This week I have really struggled with this message. It’s hard to share your story.  Harder than preaching!

But I decided to do it anyway because I wanted you to know how God has worked in my life.  It’s not about me.  It’s about God.  Jesus comes to us, bringing us peace and power.  My hope is that my story will help you believe that Jesus has this peace and power for you.  I want you to have it too.  May the peace and power of Christ be with all of you.  Amen.