Sheila Boggs

Testimony in Worship 5/20/07

I was raised in the Methodist Church. I got some scripture and Bible teaching in Sunday school. I thought that to be a Christian meant being moral and nice.

In college I encountered Christians who said I needed to be saved. Saved from what? I certainly seemed to be leading a better life than them, and I was more of a thinker to boot. I didn't need their anti-intellectual emotionalism.

After college I had a major personal crisis. My first public school teaching job did not work out, I had no control of the classroom, and I experienced a clinical depression. After that, I did not know what to do with my life. So I began a search for what was the most important thing in life, what is the truth? I observed how others lived their lives, I read all types of religious books, including New Age, explored self-help, etc. I was completely open-minded. I wanted to know the truth, though. I figured there was something that was the “real deal” in life. I had not embraced a Christian world view because of scientific errors in the Bible, and closed-minded, not up-to-date views in the Bible. Also because I considered Christians not very bright, and many Christians I had encountered were downright mean.

In 1998, at the age of 27, I took a job at a small business music store. I worked alongside a girl my age. She was the first person that I had ever met and come into close contact with who took her Christian faith seriously. I admired her dedication, but I actually felt sorry for her for believing the wrong things. But I admired her peace and purity; she also seemed to have a deep caring about others and an inner strength. Even though we didn't have a lot in common, I began to wonder if Christianity was maybe indeed true.

I had a personal crisis, and, on a 3-hour round-trip car ride to my boss’s new residence in Rome, GA, I discussed my faith and questions about the Bible with my 2 coworkers. Even though I had not been satisfied earlier with Christian answers, this time, for the first time, the answers made sense to me. It was like a dimmer of a light being turned on gradually in my mind. By the time the ride was over, I was almost fully convinced. I began listening to preachers on Christian radio and a lot of things became clearer to me.

First of all, I had some misconceptions. You all know the story of Frankenstein. Well, the original story is a novel by Mary Shelley from the romantic period of literature. It deals with the creator’s responsibility to his creation. I had thought of God as this sick creator who made man incapable of understanding God and put man into a world where death and destruction are inevitable.

I now realize that it is God who is perfect and man who has the problem. God gave man free choice, including the choice to love and obey God or reject God, and we have made this mess that is the world. Only a God who is beyond perfection and goodness is worthy to be trusted and worshiped. I came to realize that God is not what I had accused Him of, He is actually holiness and perfection and everything perfect one could ever imagine times infinity.

I used to watch the news and fall into depression about how unfair it is that innocent lives are cut short and all the injustice in the world. Now I rest secure in the knowledge that the eternal life is the real one and that our lives on earth are just a flash compared to eternity. This knowledge also helps me deal with the deaths of my brother and cousin to suicide and my 46-year-old sister-in-law’s cancer.

When I was living for myself and apart from any responsibility to God and others, it was very freeing. But it also felt very stark, like I was floating in outer space alone with no connections. I had some crisis moments and I realized that I was not only messing up my own life, but the lives of others. I didn’t like having that responsibility on me.

I found that if you live by this book, the Bible, you can avoid much of this. Not just in big actions to avoid, but in it’s attitude and heart checks. It’s a daily challenge to live by this book, but you really can stop problems before they start if you search your heart every day and try to conform to the attitudes and world views of this book.

For one, it’s kept me out of a full-fledged depression. I have depressive tendencies, and my faith has kept me from falling totally into depression. First of all, it’s an American cultural myth that we’re supposed to be happy and comfortable all the time. 1/3 of the Psalms are laments. Second of all, there is a greater hope than this life. Simply put, we win! The battle has been won already.

I am 35 and single, and while I do not have as hard of a life as much of the world, there are relationships that others have that I do not. I could easily slip into envy, self pity and bitterness, and sometimes do. These are attitude sins that I am working on. These are natural, justifiable feelings but when they are seen as sin in the Bible then I can refuse to give in to these and focus on gratitude and being made more Christ-like. In a worldly view I am justified in my feelings but what is it going to help to have these feelings take root and grow in me? And I am not against feelings, I am not a spunky type who just forgets about feeling bad and moves on, I use my feelings to express sadness and deepness a lot of the time, and you can hear it when I play piano in church. But the feelings are not my rulers, the truth that is in this book is going to be the bottom line for me.

And as far as the intellectual problems I had with Christianity, in my experience the change was a spiritual, heart change and I had to feel humble before God to be able to see the truth. So it wasn’t intellectual convincing that changed me. But I’ve found from lots of reading that Christianity does not require someone to throw out their intellect. There are plenty of heady people with websites and ministries that use very intellectual thinking, and I have found personally that these reinforce my faith.

I am a skeptical, glass half-empty type of person. I don’t trust easily people or swallow spoon-fed things I am told. What I can say to those seeking the truth about God is “don’t throw out God because His children are misbehaving.” Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven. See what the Bible says about God. Then, it was part of my humbling that God had to come to me, I couldn’t make it happen. But if you pray for God to show you the truth in Hebrews 11:6 it says “anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him”. He will give you a new life and perspective.